“You’d better start setting boundaries on that kid!” 

“You’d better start setting boundaries on that kid!” 

Anyone ever say that to you? If they have, you are not alone.

And yet, you don’t set the boundary. Or you set it and break it.

Not because you don’t care. But because you care so much that it hurts too much to say no. Or may because you are too afraid they will hate you if you do. Or they will resent you, or stop talking to you. The list goes on and on.

That’s why so many parents are so relieved when we share BALM principle 7: 

“Don’t set a boundary unless you are determined to stick to it.”

This BALM Principle gives parents, spouses, and other family members a moment to pause and collect themselves.

Then they start at principle 1 and begin learning all about the struggles of SUD and mental health that plage their loved ones as well as what has been found to help make things worse and what helps make things better for their loved one.

The BALM journey strengthens parents so that by the time they get to Principle 7, they are ready to set a boundary and stick to it.

And then the secret is out:

The BALM will never tell you to set a boundary ON your loved one.

Rather, you set it ON yourself. 

We consider boundaries to be powerful self care. Before setting a boundary, you look at your values, your strengths, your vision for yourself, your loved one, your family (see lesson one of Limits, Leverage and Boundaries for more on this) and YOU decide the limits of your tolerance of your loved one’s behaviors, demands, and lifestyle.

This is where YOU get to say, “I love you very much and I would not be able to live with myself if I gave you money for something that will not contribute to your recovery.”

You matter in this process. In the end, you have to live with yourself.

Before BALM recovery, families may see themselves as having to control their troubled loved one. After BALM, they realize they can only control their own behaviors but they can make decisions about whether they will contribute to their loved one’s struggles or their recovery.

What is your choice?

Need help getting strong enough to make that choice?

Perhaps it all starts with choosing BALM!

For more information on the BALM Family Program, go to https://balmfamilyrecovery.com/ or give us a call at 1-888-998-2256.

Love,

Bev