Why Principle 12 is So Important
“Be A Loving Mirror is the Journey and the Destination.”
This phrase encapsulates so much of the BALM® program. Being loving is our path and our journey’s end. When we love in the specific way that BALM® recommends, we are:
- speaking clearly and calmly
- observing objectively
- listening deeply
- reflecting back the facts of what we are seeing and hearing without judgment, anger, or resentment.
Travelling the BALM® path is one of growing in peace with every step. It is a two steps forward one step back process. Arrival at truly BALMing means we are living in a peaceful state even when the world around us isn’t.
The journey to living in this state of being often begins with the desire to help another person get there too. In the end, the person we love may or may not get recovery, may or may not arrive where we want them to be, or even where they want to be.
Facing the fact that each of our loved ones and family members is on their own journey, one we can walk with them on, and contribute to, but not control, is part of our journey as family members in BALM® recovery.
This is often the most difficult piece of the journey: to, on the one hand, see what is and accept that our loved one is on their own journey while, on the other hand, not giving up on them and not giving into them. Doing so peacefully is something we practice more effectively each day as we learn about the malady facing our family and which of our actions has the most potential to contribute to recovery.
BALMing whether or not things look like they are improving. BALMing whether or not those around us understand or enjoy our new way of being.
This loving path has great potential to help us help our loved ones choose to get into and sustain recovery. And, in the end, it is our lifeline to a sane and happy life, regardless of their choices.
Be A Loving Mirror is the Journey and the Destination.