What Will Help YOU Help Your Loved One Heal?
In the BALM, we talk about being your loved one’s BEST chance at recovery. We say that regardless of the outcome of their recovery journey, if you practice the 12 BALM family recovery principles and walk the 7 Steps to Be A Loving Mirror, you the family member WILL BE their BEST chance at recovery.
So what is it that takes place in BALMers that allows them to become their loved one’s BEST chance?
Well, on the outside, it looks like this:
- The family member is no longer nagging, enabling or judging their loved one.
- They can be found listening to their loved one and not answering back impatiently or rolling their eyes
- They have stopped the incessant questioning of their loved one’s whereabouts, motives, and actions
- Things seem more relaxed and peaceful around the house. There’s a sense of appreciation of each other, and compassion, not pity, for the challenging road the loved one is walking is present.
- Conversations are lighter and less edgy. There is a sense that the old ability the family members had to enjoy each other has returned, even when recovery is not present or is present and precarious, rather than strong.
- The family member finds her/himself able to look below the surface of the use disorder, getting in touch with the deep abiding love s/he feels for her/his loved one.
- There seems to be less lying going on. When the fear of volatile reactions dissipates, the loved one begins to simply share what is going on with the family member, instead of hiding every little thing along the way
So, that is what it can look like on the outside. What does it take to have this peaceful relationship return, even when active use is present or coming and going in a family?
The family member makes a decision to learn everything possible about
- what it means to be a family member in recovery
- how change happens
- What to let go of and what to hold onto to be most helpful
- why breaking out of the denial of how serious your loved one’s problem is can make all the difference
- the role of using leverage and boundaries in helping a loved one find their way
- How to get YOUR life back and what that is JUST as important as helping your loved one get THEIRS back
- the role of love and connection in a family hit by SUD and other use disorders and the unique contribution the BALM makes to the establishment of these qualities in a family’s recovery.
- Why it is critical to NOT set boundaries until you are ready to stick to them.
- How to get ready to set boundaries so you will not back down
- Which boundaries ARE the best ones to set and which are best kept as preferences
- Who boundaries are really about and why that matters
- Why getting support is a critical part of the process
- How the three relationships with Spirituality, Self and Other empower one’s long term recovery journey
- What it means to BE A Loving Mirror and why it is so important for a family member to know and to Be.
- The role of peace, objective observation, emotional awareness in the journey to helping a loved one.
- How to document and script a loving conversation
- How to have a loving conversation with a struggling loved one
- Why doing so at the right time and place is so important and what that right time and place are.
- Why respecting your loved one’s journey is a critical factor in helping them consider recovery.
- Why Information, Transformation, and Support are ALL so important in helping a family learn how to help their loved one.
When a family decides to go to ANY length to help their loved one get well, it takes more than finding the best treatment center. Treatment is the beginning of the journey. The family will hopefully be around long after treatment is over…So, going to any length also means becoming the family member who is willing to walk a recovery journey so that hopefully long life together can be joyful, loving, and fulfilling.
Families that walk the recovery path together often find themselves deepening their relationships with each other and with their struggling loved one. The more the family walks the Loving Path to Family Recovery, the more they see that it is truly an inside job with outside tasks and activities.
As you walk your family recovery journey, we invite you to allow us to become a part of it.
We get all that it takes and we are here to walk it with you, lovingly, powerfully, compassionately. Our coaches are well educated through their education and often through their lived experience. Our teachers share their wisdom and experience in classes every day. And our community is suffused with the loving presence of hundreds of families working together to help their own and each others’ families get THEIR lives back while helping their loved ones get their lives back as well.
Together, we invite you to learn how to Be A Loving Mirror through our classes, workshops, groups, recordings, workbooks. conversations and coaching.
If you are the least bit intrigued, join us for the upcoming free holiday support calls the first three Wednesday evenings this month. During those calls, we will discuss the core concepts of letting go, getting out of denial and into awareness, setting boundaries and self-care. We will give you the skills to help you walk in love and connection with your family this season and always. It is our goal for you to experience this holiday season with a sense of resilience and hope!
To sign up, click here.
All the best,