What do BALM Principles Four and Six Ask of Family Members?
Bev’s Corner 3-27-17
As we look at the ideas of “You can be your loved one’s best chance at recovery” and “Your primary task is to be a loving person” the question arises, ‘how?’
And the answer is simple, yet not always easy.
First, look beneath appearances. See your loved one as healthy and whole. Treat them with respect and dignity.
Second, remain completely aware of the challenges they are facing and how those challenges are distorting their self image, behaviors, and how they show up in the world:
- unbridled use destroying their health, family, work, home, and potentially their life
- all of the trauma and pain it is costing them and everyone around them
- the destruction of relationships and material possessions
This willingness to truly look and see what is happening, while still knowing that under it all they are radiant spiritual beings, requires of us the peaceful loving outlook that working the 7 steps diligently will provide.
Third, focus on your own actions. Ask yourself:
- am I enabling or helping?
- if enabling, what is my motivation?
- what do I have to do to disengage from my own need to provide the kind of help that only contributes to their addictive behaviors and potential to hurting them greatly?
- What is the loving thing to do in this situation and how can I become a loving presence in my loved one’s life in the BALMiest sense of the words ‘loving presence’?
Being our loved one’s best chance requires a commitment to self awareness. This is essential as our primary task is, as Principle Six reminds us, to BE a Loving Person in their lives.
Remember, there is never a guarantee that you, as their best chance, will save their life. But when you know you are doing all you can to potentially make things better, you can give your loved one and their Higher Power the space needed to attend to that which is beyond your power to help.
Be A Loving Mirror everyone!
This blog is written in memory of Rob whose mom, Maryann, has made BALM practice a loving testament to his memory.