The Time for Letting Go and Waiting for our Loved Ones to Hit Bottom is Past!
My dear friends,
We are in a crisis. And we all must act together to fight it powerfully.
A few months ago, for instance, this happened to one of my clients (name changed):
Elinor’s daughter was in the hospital. She had just overdosed in Elinor’s basement during a visit home and Elinor brought her in. Elinor called a friend she met in Alanon who told her to leave the hospital and to send a message to her daughter that she would be there for her if she chose recovery but not if she was going to keep using. The woman told Elinor to step back and let her daughter hit bottom, rather than try once again to help her daughter get well.
Elinor called me and I told her to stay by her daughter’s side and do everything she could to get her into treatment again.
At first, her daughter said no and Elinor told me she lovingly let her daughter know she loved her with all of her heart but that she wanted to say her good byes because she was certain that if her daughter left the hospital and went back to her old life, this would most likely be the last time they saw each other. Mom walked out of the room and called me again, crying.
She asked if she should leave the hospital at that point. I said NO.
Stay there and let’s brainstorm others willing to help.
“But she has been in treatment so many times,” Elinor said, “and she says she does not want to go. How can I push this?”
Meanwhile, I called my contacts in the local and national community to get her daughter help and she called local treatment centers. And we prayed.
One of the NA guys I spoke with about this case at first echoed the well-worn adage that ‘the addict has to want to get well for it to work.’
But I reminded him that so much of heroin is laced with fentanyl, that saying an addict has a choice is more of a joke than ever!
“I’ve been to more funerals in the last year than I have been in the last 12 years of recovery,” he admitted and offered to help.
My friends, Substance Use Disorder impairs choice and fentanyl causes overdose and often, instant death, in those who receive heroin laced with it.
We no longer have the luxury of waiting for that type of low bottom motivation, yet, by staying engaged with our loved ones, we can have powerful conversations that can motivate the desire for change in a loved one or patient.
Today, with overdose a very real threat, family involvement, family advocacy, and the loving commitment of caregivers is more important than ever.
While the mom was out of the room and we were praying and brainstorming, a nurse who had overheard the conversation stepped into the young woman’s room. This loving angel had a brief conversation with the girl, saying little more than, “Don’t you want to live?”
Something clicked and the young woman called her mom back into the room. Before we knew it, we had a treatment center lined up and Elinor’s daughter was back on the life track. Now, 90 days later, she is celebrating a milestone that those who suggested the mom turn her back did not contribute to.
In BALM®, we let go of obsessing about getting the result we want. Instead, we lovingly work toward it, without giving up and without giving in to the manipulation of the dis-ease or the outdated thinking of those who may repeat old sayings that no longer hold true.
Love your child to life by engaging in recovery advocacy, resource gathering, and loving conversation.
Get support that leads you to a love that doesn’t give up or give in!
Be A Loving Mirror!
If you would like more information on the BALM® Family Recovery Program CLICK HERE.