THE THREE PARTS OF BALM
People often ask me what do I mean by Be A Loving Mirror®. Early on, I put together this short definition of the phrase to help people understand this core phrase of our program: Be A Loving Mirror®!
PART ONE: BE
The first part of Be A Loving Mirror® is just to be. What is your state of being? Who are you being? Who are you in this moment? You have a choice in this, as in all things. What are you going to be?
PART TWO: LOVING
What does it mean to be loving? Being loving is about being nonjudgmental, being present with another person, allowing them to be who they are without your judgment, without your opinions in the middle of it, all while simply being aware of their presence. Being loving means allowing someone to take personal responsibility for their life—not shaming them. Being loving is treating others with dignity and respect.
This is a merciful sort of humanness, where you don’t forget that this person is a human being. As soon as you remember that, it enhances your own ability to be a flawed human being and increases your own humanity and humility. This is not about having an excuse to make mistakes. It means recognizing that being flawed is inevitable. Welcome to the human race!
When you’re being loving in all this, you develop the attitude that kindness is key, that compassion is crucial, that empowering them to take personal responsibility as much as possible is important, that you’re all about helping—not enabling. All of that is packed into being loving, including loving yourself. You care about yourself enough to not damage your own physical, mental and spiritual health. You stay calm for your own benefit as well. (See the Four Aspects of Self-Care Chart below on how to nurture yourself.)
PART THREE: MIRROR
What does it mean to be a mirror?
A mirror reflects back. A BALM® mirror shares the facts with the other person in a loving way so they can hear it. The mirror part of this is received from the calmness you’re broadcasting. The mirror is about what you reflect to them, what you observe. In other words, you mirror their words and behavior through factually yet calmly sharing them. They can hear the objective facts of what they’ve said and what they’ve done. On that basis, they can perhaps make a different decision for their future behavior.
When we stop criticizing, crying, making it about us; when we stop demanding that people change and focus on our own change and growth; when we love our loved ones, however they are—everything changes. Be A Loving Mirror lights the way for change.
The above is an excerpt from Bev’s book: BALM® – The Loving Path to Family Recovery. If you would like to purchase your copy CLICK HERE.