Oh No! She Did It Again! I Can’t Believe it!
Do you ever get shocked when a loved one uses, even though they just used or drank or acted out yesterday or last week?
If so, this blog is for you.
This shock or disbelief when an actively using loved one uses, is pretty common among family members.
We just can’t believe our loved one would do it again after crashing the car or falling down drunk yesterday or losing their job or being told not to use or..or..or..
A loved one’s tendency to ‘do it again’ even when negative consequences start is actually very common too.
So, what can a loved one do about it?
1. Accept that as long as your loved one is ‘active’ in their use, and not getting help, chances are they will use again. It’s just that simple.
2. With that in mind, consider dropping the shock and simply accepting that at THIS moment in time, this is how they are ‘doing life’.They ‘use’ their substance or behavior to get through their days.
3. Learn everything you can about addiction and recovery. If you are a member of the BALM® Community, this week’s Daily BALM® Principle #3 It is Important to Let Go without Giving Up or Giving In will help you discover ways to get sane yourself, even in the middle of so much chaotic behavior.
4. Put your focus on you, on your life. What is it YOU do without thinking? Do you drink a little too much? Eat a little too much? Work a few too many hours? Have you ever tried to stop that habit of yours? Choose one of those habits and really work on loosening its grip on you. And every time you want to control your loved one’s behavior, turn back and work on controlling your own. This week’s Daily BALM® Principle #2 Change Happens in Stages can give you tools to better understand the stages your loved one needs to go through to get better and the new handout How Change Happens in Family Members will help you see your own change process more clearly.
4. Stop trying to trust your using loved one to tell you the truth about their using and their comings and goings. Right now, while using, they cannot be trusted. That is not a judgment, it is a fact. When using takes over a person’s life, integrity is the first thing to go. Facing this, saves a lot of shock and disappointment and can allow you to stay calm and learn what you need to know to be most effective in communicating with them and/or getting them help. Love them for the beautiful person they are at their core and learn new ways to communicate and behave that have the potential to support their movement toward recovery and away from using. Next week’s Principle #4 You Can Be Your Loved One’s Best Chance at Recovery, will help you do that.
In the meantime, make a commitment to yourself to grow your own recovery!
If you are enrolled in the BALM® Programs, come to live classes, and listen to the recordings for each principle. Use your work book and handouts to support your growth. Facing challenges with your loved one, come to the support calls and talk it through.
You expect your loved one to go the extra mile to get recovery. By taking full advantage of your own BALM® Family Recovery Education Program, you will not only learn new perspectives on their journey, you’ll be an example to them of someone committed to recovery AND you will increase your inner peace.
See you on the calls and if there is anything we can help you with, be sure to contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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If you know someone who would benefit from the BALM®, share it! The support we offer to families of addicts is powerful and it lasts for a full year. Spread the recovery around! To join our community, click here to receive our special summer BALM® price for a full year of Comprehensive Family Recovery Education!