My Loved One is Mad at my BALM responses. Now what?
As you learn to use your BALM® tools and techniques, you will find yourself growing calm and sane. This will allow you to respond to your loved one in a BALM® manner thus allowing you to detach from their behaviors without having to detach completely from them.
If until now, you have engaged in yelling battles with your loved one and no longer are, there will be a new peaceful clarity emanating from your side of the conversation that is distinctly foreign to your loved one.
They may not like the new, more loving you.
Before, it was easy to blame their using on you.
- Now? No insanity to grab onto as a reason to ‘go out there.’
Before, they could deflect their inner turmoil to a sense that they were wronged, misunderstood, hated, disrespected.
- Now? You behave in a respectful manner to them, speaking calmly about the facts of their behavior and its consequences, rather than about what idiots they are (as you used to).
Before, they could count on you to back down after a few of their “What, are you crazy?” comments.
- Now? You simply state the facts and let them know there is no argument. You saw what you saw and heard what you heard.
So, they may not be too happy with your new, loving stance. And yet, principle six of the BALM® method states: Your primary task is to be a loving person.
So, what does this mean and how do you do it in the face of the spewing of anger and seeming hatred coming from your loved one?
A loving person is someone who…
- cares deeply without becoming caught up in drama
- allows others their own journey without judgment or scorn
- uses leverage when appropriate to help a struggling loved one make better choices
- invests time in family recovery education to become an effective recovery advocate for their loved one
- allows their loved one to take personal responsibility so the loved one can grow to their true potential
- stays out of denial in order to be able to help their loved one see through the loved one’s blindside.
A Loving Person is a BALMer.
Be Loving! Be a Loving Mirror!
For more information on how to Be and Do that, click here for a deep dive into recovery!