My husband has locked himself in a hotel room. Do I check up on him or leave him there to hit bottom without checking on him?
There are those who say, “Leave him there. He has to hit his bottom.”
Others would say, “Determine why you want to help him. If it is to soothe yourself, leave him alone and work on yourself. If to make sure he is okay because you are concerned about his well-being, then check.”
Work on yourself, your actions and reactions. Check your motives. Learn to let go of results so you will not act out of fear and control. But At the same time, do not allow fear of codependency to hold you back from checking up on someone suffering from a deadly malady. Make no mistake about it. Alcohol use disorder, or more broadly, substance use disorder, is a deadly disease. Once in its grip, the person drinking or using is no longer at choice. They are engaging in deadly behavior. So, your job is two pronged: Get your life back AND help your loved one stay alive to the best of your ability.
Figuring out how and what is the best of your ability, and how to help without going down the tubes with them, these are all things best figured out with your BALM® coach, your sponsor, and your therapist.
Family members are always either contributing to addiction or contributing to recovery. By working on YOUR OWN recovery and being there to communicate effectively and encourage recovery you are contributing to a loved one’s recovery.
There are times when it is best for the situation to step away from it. Sometimes it is essential for you. Other times, essential for the other person.
But, desertion in the name of not wanting to be codependent – that’s just NOT how we roll. Rather, we work on ourselves in order to strengthen our inner wellness. We learn skills and tools so that our help is truly helpful.
For more on how families can best play the most powerful positive role in a loved one’s recovery, BALM® community members can listen to lesson one (1) of the Daily BALM®: The Family’s Role in Early Recovery.
Want to learn more about how to join our community? Visit our website and sign up for our newsletter or CLICK HERE for more information.
PS: One more word about hitting bottom. Truly, you are the one who needs to hit bottom as a family member. Our job at BALM® is to help you raise your bottom which in turn will help you raise your loved one’s bottom. For far too many addicts and alcoholics, bottom is death. Let’s get learning about how to relate to ourselves and our loved ones in a NEW way, so the bottom becomes a road to a life of health and recovery!
Join us for the Daily BALM on Wednesday, September 13th at 8:00 pm ET when we will discuss Principle Three (3) – It Is Important to Let Go Without Giving Up or Giving In. If you are not yet a member of the BALM® Community and would like to join us for this LIVE call, CLICK HERE to find out how to join.
We have been where you are, and together we can be our loved one’s best chance at recovery.