Let Go of Results, NOT of Your Loved One!
Updated September 25, 2017
As we come out on the other side of the holiday week, we will take one last look for now at Principle Three of the BALM®: It Is Important to Let Go Without Giving Up or Giving In, you may wonder what we are talking about letting go of.
In BALM®, we only let go of one thing: our obsession with things turning out the way we want them to.
The fact is, we have absolutely NO control over outcomes.
As we learned in the first three C’s of the BALM® 7 C’s:
You didn’t CAUSE your loved one’s addiction, You can’t CONTROL their addiction and you cannot CURE their addiction.
These three C’s, which found their origin in Al-anon, remind us to let go of guilt and control.
So, the first part of this principle “It is important to let go…” is referring to letting go of results.
There is, after all, no guarantee that your loved one will get into recovery.
Many family members get very frustrated after one, two, three or more tries a loved one has at getting clean and sober.
“Why should i even get involved or help? No matter what I do it isn’t working. This is a waste of my time and effort. I can’t believe he/she doesn’t see how much this means to me.”
If you have ever felt or thought these things in regard to helping your loved one, think again.
First of all, we know from Principle Two that it can take many times for a person to finally ‘get’ recovery.
Second of all, their recovery is not about you. They are not doing it for or against you. This is their journey.
So, what is the BALM® stance when a loved one repeatedly relapses or even when they are in recovery for the first time?
Leave results in the hands of the person and the universe, God or whatever you call your spiritual source.
don’t desert your loved one!
Rather, learn everything you can about Substance Use Disorder or Addiction and apply what you are learning about what works to help them in all of your interactions with your loved one. Also, stop allowing them to manipulate you and stop believing their lies.
The BALM® sees utilizing powerful helping tools and skills as “CONTRIBUTING to your loved one’s recovery, NOT their addiction.”
Your contribution to recovery can make all the difference in whether or not your loved one chooses to get into recovery and stay there.
So keep studying the BALM® and establishing yourself as someone detached from results but not from powerful family recovery, words and behaviors!
If you are currently enrolled in the BALM® Family Recovery Program, and did not get a chance to listen to the Daily BALM® on Wednesday, September 13th, when we started with a discussion on Principle 3, listen to it NOW in Family Recovery Academy.
If you are NOT YET a member of our BALM® Community and would like to learn more please CLICK HERE.
Tune in this Wednesday at 8:00 pm ET for the Daily BALM®. This week we are focusing on Principle 4: You Can Be Your Loved One’s Best Chance at Recovery. CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFO.
Be A Loving Mirror!