+ How Can I Possibly Learn How to Be A Loving Mirror? - BALM

The BALM Blog

See all posts

How Can I Possibly Learn How to Be A Loving Mirror?

BALM | October 4, 2015

Be a Loving Mirror (BALM®)  is who we are at our core. Deep within, we are calm, understanding, unperturbed by others’ words and behaviors. We ‘get’ it that people grow at their own pace and in their own time and that everyone is on their own journey.

Our inner Self knows that when another person is acting in self-destructive ways, they are experimenting with life in their own way and that they have the right to do so. For some, it seems to be an inner mandate –  they have to ‘do’ life the way they are doing it.

But usually, we are not in touch with the wisest, most patient part of ourselves. We are simply living day to day, working, taking care of our responsibilities, loving the people around us the best we can, and surviving the emotional knocks we are receiving  in our lives.

So, when one of the people we love so much starts behaving ‘badly’, we freak out. How could this be happening to us? to them? to our family? This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. I’ve got to fix this.  I can’t take this. It’s too much. These are just some of the thoughts that start to fill our minds when we share our lives with a person struggling with drugs and alcohol.

As a result of all of this upset, many of us find ourselves enabling. This behavior just starts to happen it seems, very insidiously. Enabling can  be defined as  doing whatever they tell us to do, doing things for them they could be doing for themselves, making it easier for them to get their drug of choice, or making it easier to avoid the consequences of their behavior. Some examples include taking them to the drug dealer, bailing them out of jail, giving them money to live on when they are fully grown and capable of working, etc.  If you are enabling, you may want to reconsider. Why? Because when you enable, you may actually be helping to kill the person you are trying to help.

But, there is a way to let go of all of the fear and upset without giving into their demands. It is possible to just be in relationship with the person we love in a loving way that doesn’t destroy us or them.

It is called Be A Loving Mirror (BALM®).

To learn how to Be A Loving Mirror, join the next 7 Steps to BALM® classes coming up Thursday, June 15th, 2017. Everyone in the BALM® community is welcome to the class! (Watch for the registration link in your weekly call list) To learn more about our classes or to enroll click here, or email info@familyrecoveryresources.com with “7 Steps to BALM” in the subject line.

Either way, get involved and learn to Be A Loving Mirror!


Coach Bev

Be A Loving Mirror!

Beverly A. Buncher, MA, PCC, MRLC, CTPC

Family Recovery Coach/CEO

Family Recovery Resources, LLC



786 859 4050