Holiday Family Survival 101
Whether the holiday occurs in the winter or spring, the families of those struggling with substances and addictive behaviors often feel the pressure.
Here are some tips to get you through this next round of family holidays with serenity and sanity, regardless of your loved one’s behavior:
- Commit to your own self care this season! Showers, baths, a walk in the park, a regular hour at the gym, these powerful actions can make the difference between clear thinking responses and harried reactions.
- Remember to connect to your spiritual core. Regular prayer and meditation keep us connected to the larger picture and allow us to consciously experience the synchronicity and ‘coincidences’ that allow us to be attuned to the best next steps in our own and our loved ones’ lives.
- Remember the BALM 7 C’s so you can keep your role in your loved one’s behavior in perspective:
- you didn’t CAUSE your loved one’s illness
- you can’t CONTROL it
- you can’t CURE it
- you CAN CONTRIBUTE to your loved one’s recovery
- you are CONNECTED to your loved one on a level deeper than their disorder
- you CAN learn how to COMMUNICATE more effectively with your loved one
- you are always at CHOICE!
- BALMers, listen to a BALM recording each day of the holiday season (Family Recovery Academy, our online archive of over 150 recordings, is open all through the season) to keep yourself glued to the recovery channel in your own mind, remembering that the most important change that needs to happen in your family needs to happen between your own ears, in your own perspective. (If you are not yet a BALMer, click here to listen to a set of sampler recordings)
- BALMers, though most of the live calls (and perhaps your coach’s coaching) will stop throughout the holiday season, there will still be coaching on Monday nights. Check your weekly call list on Sunday evening to get your call in information.
- Remember, above all, to Be A Loving Mirror. (review your 7 Steps Manual to get the details on how to do this effectively – if you are like most BALMers, you have printed out this book, review it regularly and keep it near you to use as needed)
- Get calm
- Observe the situation objectively
- Feel your feelings without judgment or acting out
- Write down what your loved one said and did (if you cannot write it at the time, do your best to remember it to write down later)
- Script a conversation following the BALM Conversation template
- Have a loving conversation at the right time and place
- IF necessary, set a boundary.
- Though the journaling workshop is taking a break, all of the sessions are recorded. Give yourself the gift of a private journaling workshop each day or at least once. Listen to a workshop online, with your journal in front of you and WRITE!!!
- And finally, observe your own behaviors. Are there areas of your life that display out of control behaviors? What inner work can you do to heal yourself? It’s understandable if hearing this is difficult especially in the middle of crises with a loved one. Use your own resistance to help you develop your empathy for your struggling loved one AND if you are not ready to take action, simply observe yourself being YOU without judgment! In other words, Be A Loving Mirror to YOURSELF!
With every hope that each and every person reading this will have a meaningful holiday season!
Bev, Alan, Tracy, Queenie and the entire community of BALM coaches and coach trainees working tirelessly to help ALL families blaze the trail to recovery in their homes.
Be A Loving Mirror!
Beverly A. Buncher, MA, PCC, CTPC
Family Recovery Coach/CEO
Family Recovery Resources, LLC
786 859 4050