Believe Your Ears and Eyes Going Into the New Year
What kind of year will this year be for you?
Unless you are psychic, you probably don’t know exactly what will occur with the people in your life or in the larger world.
Yet, if you love someone struggling with a use disorder, you can increase the odds of their moving toward recovery.
How? By getting out of your own denial and engaging them in a loving way that doesn’t fold in the face of their denial.
In the BALM, we say, “Believe your ears and eyes and not the lies.”
While lies, or untruths, are often a reflection of a loved one’s inability to face the truth about their Substance Use Disorder or other Use Disorder, the facts can help them do so.
Facts describe exactly what is happening. When shared with a person engaged in a Use Disorder in the loving way we teach in the BALM, facts have the power to open a person’s awareness to reality bit by bit, conversation by conversation.
Key to the ability to have a BALM conversation is the family member knowing what the facts are, jotting them down, sharing them in a loving way and not folding when the loved one says things like:
– what? are you crazy?
-that is insane.
-I would never do that.
-mom, you know me better than that…
The answer a person who believes their eyes and ears gives is something like this: “Sweetheart. I love you so much. And, I know what I am seeing and hearing. The facts are not up for discussion. They are just the facts. I’m just reporting them to you. I love you sweetheart. Ready for lunch?”
Of course there is so much to learn in order to be able to deliver facts without emotion, without folding, with love.
You can start by joining us on our upcoming 7 Steps Online Retreat.
Happy New Year!
Be A Loving Mirror!
Beverly A. Buncher, MA, PCC, CBC, CTPC
Family Recovery Coach/CEO
Family Recovery Resources, LLC
786 859 4050