It Takes What It Takes!
Bev’s Corner 3-10-18 – It Takes What It Takes!
Dear BALMers and Friends,
This week, we are focusing on Principle 3 of the 12: It is Important to Let Go without Giving Up or Giving In. The pivotal nature of this principle cannot be overestimated.
When we let go of our inner turmoil and obsessive thinking and replace it with mindfulness and peace, we are far better able to be our loved one’s best chance, taking the next best steps to help them recover and to help ourselves recover as well. But this can be easier said than done and for each of us it takes a unique amount of effort to be able to let go of control without giving up on our loved one or giving in to the manipulations of their active use disorder.
Chapter 8 of my upcoming book BALM: The Loving Path to Recovery focuses on this idea of what it truly takes to be able to master this principle and family recovery in general. I have included an excerpt from that chapter below for you to read and ponder along with the questions from the end of that chapter. You may want to read it and do a bit of journaling to help yourself become more aware of what it will take for you to let go without giving up or giving in.
Looking forward to seeing you on the Daily BALM at noon on Monday where we will explore what it can take to do so even further…
With Love and Recovery to you and yours,
Excerpt from Chapter 8 of BALM: The Loving Path to Family Recovery by Beverly Buncher:
It Takes What It Takes
One of the most important lessons you will need to take away as you pursue recovery is this: It Takes What It Takes! Know Yourself. What is it going to take for you to have the attitudinal shift that is going to make all the difference in your family’s life? How Willing are you to do what it takes?
Each person’s version of “it takes what it takes” will be different. Some of you out there might just need to read this book, and that’ll be it. That’s all it will take for you. Others may need to take a class or get a coach. Someone else may need to be in therapy twice a week. Another may need to go inpatient. Yes, there are inpatient programs for families, too! This malady takes its toll on everyone in its path and taking personal responsibility to find the solution that best fits us is what our journey requires!
Whatever that is: It takes what it takes.
It takes what it takes is about knowing there’s a range of needs, and it’s essential to honestly assess yours. We all want it to be easy, but it’s not. What will it take for you?
Some people listen to our BALM recordings of a program called the Daily BALM. Others listen live. We have over 250 digital recordings of family members, recovering persons, and recovery professionals telling their stories and sharing their expertise. These can be hugely helpful, and some of our families wake up in the morning to them, listen to them as a backdrop all day, or listen to them all night. Some people take our program as they would a college course. Some people take the 7 Steps over and over and over again, come to every coaching group and journaling workshop, and have a private coach. There’s no judgment. It takes what it takes. We all need to be aware of our own needs so we can consciously decide the breadth of strategies we want to implement to get into recovery.
The thing is, recovery is a lifelong journey. A lot of people don’t want to hear that; they want an easy solution. For some people, it might just be learning a few new skills. For others, maybe those who have generations of use disorder and dysfunction in their families or those who are traumatized by what’s happened to them, every moment is a struggle. They need additional support.
Some people need therapeutic intervention that could include family inpatient. Others need a Family Recovery Life Coach to help them move forward. It takes what it takes. We respect whatever it takes. We encourage people to decide how important recovery is and then figure out what it’s going to take for them to be there most powerfully for themselves and their loved ones on this journey.
Unfortunately, family members tend to underestimate this part. Often, say when their loved one goes into treatment, they think, “Oh, good! That’s done. They’re in treatment. Everything is fine now,” and the family stops BALMing. They don’t do anything more. They don’t think they have a problem. Then, should a relapse come, they’re not prepared. It will probably take more than you think at first, and that’s okay — because it just takes what it takes to reach recovery.
As my sponsor, Dawn, once told me, “The good news is we have our whole lives to do this work. The bad news? It will probably take that long.”
The reason we offer the BALM Comprehensive for a full
year is that when a loved one leaves treatment, the family is on a honeymoon. They leave the BALM program, and everything seems wonderful. But when the loved one has a slip, it’s terrifying, and they come back. We teach family members how to cope with these slips so they don’t turn into relapses. You can contribute to recovery when a loved one has a slip rather than inadvertently making things worse.
Recovery is a lifelong journey, and we make it one of love and inner discovery.
QUESTIONS TO PONDER
- What will it take for you to consistently Be A Loving Mirror to yourself, your loved ones and others?
- What are you willing to do to make that happen?
If you sense that this book could be helpful to you or someone you know, you can pre-order your copy by clicking here.
For those of you already in the BALM Community, check your call link letter to get connected to our It Takes What It Takes Interview this coming Monday on the Daily BALM at noon ET!